The subject for this final Maury Povich Show of the season before the crew takes a summer break is "Secrets" -- home care and improvement secrets, beauty secrets, fashion secrets -- stuff like that. My segment is cooking secrets. 

The segment starts right by as stove as I'm cooking some burgers for the phony Big Mac. We taped some junk in advance to make it look as if I am running out of this employee kitchen with my fresh hamburger patties, down a hall and into the studio (photo 1). Actually, during the taping of the show I only ran from just behind the set and into the studio. The rest was pre-taped. The run is short, so I don't know how I get so overheated. As you'll see, by the end of this segment I totally violate the slogan, "Never let them see you sweat." 

Maury welcomes me to the show and asks what we'll be making today. "Big Macs, Oreos, Twinkies, Snapple Iced Tea and Reese's," I say. He suggests we start with the Big Macs; probably since that's the way we planned it in rehearsal. Maury says, "Great, I eat about two Big Macs a week." We talk about how to prepare the patties so they're real thin, and how to stack the ingredients.

Then we discuss the "special sauce." I hold up a bottle of Kraft Thousand Island Dressing (photo 2). "This," I say, "is all it is. Thousand island dressing that tastes just like this." Maury says, "No. That's all it is? I have thousand island dressing all of the time on my salads." Wonder if he has croutons.

When we finish building the burger it's time for the blindfold taste test. Here's where I introduce the "big-eye" blindfold for the first time (photo 4). I pasted some giant paper eyes on the blindfold to give it a bizarre touch. Maury looked especially good in it (for more on this and a closeup, refer to the "Talk Soup" section). He hams it up. 

For the taste-test, my fresh Big Mac is stacked taller than the real thing which had come packed tightly in a box. Maury guesses which is the real Big Mac right away. "Yours is bigger," he says. Guess I gotta squash it down more next time.

Then we get to make Oreos. I show everyone how to make the cookie part using a box of dark chocolate fudge cake mix. That's easier than making it from scratch. I point out that you don't want to follow the instructions on the back of the box of cake mix. With that I toss it over my shoulder (photo 5). Good thing it didn't hit Maury in the face.

I let Maury take the filling for the phony Oreo and spread it on one of the cookies, and then he slaps another cookie on top. He's got a ton of filling in there, man (photo 6) -- way beyond Double Stuf! "I feel like I'm four years old again," Maury says. He takes a bite and says "Good. Close." He seems to like it.

After the Oreos we get to make some Twinkies. Maury goes out into the audience, grabs a guy named Jack, and brings him up on stage. Jack is going to taste test one of the homemade Twinkies once we show everyone how to make them (photo 7).

I demonstrate the technique for making the Twinkie cake pans by wrapping foil around a spice bottle. And then I inject a pre-made phony Twinkie cake with filling. By this time Maury's already fed Jack the real thing. He tastes the Top Secret Recipes version and says, "Pretty good. Very close." Thanks, Jack. He splits.

For the Snapple iced tea we're going to get another audience member to come up while I'm demonstrating how to make the tea. It's  pretty easy; just Lipton tea, sugar and lemon. By now, I've really built up a sweat. The lights are hot and I've been running around the studio...I just couldn't seem to cool off. I was hoping they wouldn't get a close up, but, oh, whoops. Notice the numerous sweaty spots on my face (photo 8). Would you want this man touching your food?

Looks like Donna does. She comes up to try the Snapple tea we've just mixed. She tastes the real one then the phony, and says the fake tastes really good. She asks to taste the Twinkie, and I start loading her up. I give her a Twinkie, an Oreo, and a Big Mac with a big Maury Povich bite taken out of it (photo 9).

We never get to the Reese's, but no big deal. The segment is pretty long anyway, and they even ran the show again in November. That's when the gang over at Talk Soup saw it, and used it on their show. Check it out here.

The Maury Povich Show was a great time, and it seems like both Maury and the audience had fun with the segment. When asked what it takes to appear on the Maury Povich Show I can respond with a simple formula, really: "10 percent inspiration -- 90 percent perspiration."